


Shisui's No Good Terrible Adventure

by CreativeSweets



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cousin Incest, Crack, Fuck Or Die, I Don't Even Know, Implied Sexual Content, Incest, Itachi has an undiscovered pregnancy kink, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg, Shisui stop putting things in your mouth, it's discovered NOW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21960892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeSweets/pseuds/CreativeSweets
Summary: Shisui proooobably shouldn't have skipped his mandatory check-up after his mission when to shit.Oh well, what's the worst that could happen?
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui
Comments: 14
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drelfina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/gifts).



> Not even rereading this. It probably doesn't even make much sense. But I hope you enjoy drel ^u^
> 
> Alt. title: Shisui please stop eating things of questionable origin

Shisui’s luck is really turning out for the worst today. Really, if the veritable small army of bandits when there shouldn’t have been wasn’t a Sign, then the way that he _shunshin’d into_ the rather, uh, THICK window glass during his questionable escape and it didn’t break would have to be it.

Shisui stares at his captors, wondering exactly how long they think this flimsy rope will REALLY hold him while they’re just casually circling him and whispering amongst themselves.

Shisui’s attention wanders—it _is_ a very nice day out. Very bright. There’s those soft, fluffy looking wispy clouds out and everything. Very blue, too. Huh, there’s a cloud that looks like a bunny. Or an apple. Maybe. Oh look—

“Haul him upright!”

Silently sighing at the rough treatment, he reevaluates the order of which he’ll stab these fuckers in.

“Okay, scrawny”—Shisui purses his lips. Really, did these mediocre bandits have to make him do so much mental math in such a small amount of time? He rearranges his stab-order _again_ —“You’ve got two choices: take this here pill and stay alive, or we can just kill you now.”

Shisui blinks and focuses on the small, round red pill in the bandit’s hand. It’s probably poison. Ah, hold on, it’s on a small bit of paper, to catch any dust—it’s _definitely_ poison. There’s . . . proooobably an antidote in Konoha. It’s only like, what, half a day’s run away. And while he’s sure he could run that far, he actually needs like, hm . . . ten more minutes? twelve? to get these ropes off. And since there’s a nice long knife to his throat, he doesn’t _really_ have much of a choice.

Pill it is then.

* * *

Shisui’s luck is definitely turning around. Those stupid bandits! They’ve clearly never dealt with _Konoha_ shinobi before. They just stood around and LET him stab them! (Okay, so Shisui may have shunshin’d a biiiit faster than normal, but that’s honestly because he began to feel rather warm in a ‘I don’t feel so good’ way and what was he supposed to do? Sit there, tied up, until the _bandits_ decided to untie him? No thank you.)

But now he’s on route back to Konoha!

And really, he just feels a little warm, a little nauseous, but it’s not that bad! He’ll get home in no time and then he’ll get fixed up, good as new!

* * *

Itachi’s calmly reading scrolls at his desk when there’s a rather large _thud_ at his window.

“Welcome back, Shisui.”

“Ow.”

Itachi sets down his scroll and turns to watch Shisui rub his nose as he opens his window further and climbs in. Based on his red face and dirty clothes, he’s forgone the _mandatory_ check-up. Again. He frowns a bit.

“Fuck me.”

Itachi blinks. “I take it your mission was horrible, terrible, absolutely no-good, then?”

Shisui looks, perhaps a little wild around the eyes—well, more wild than normal. Itachi can’t remember the last time Shisui came back from a mission and wasn’t looking run-down, spewing expletives.

“No, really, _fuck me_.” Shisui’s taking his shirt off, which, once again, is completely normal. At least Shisui’s kind enough not to get _too_ much dust on his bed as he flops on top of it.

Itachi turns back towards his scroll. “I’m sure whatever it is you’ve gotten into or caused, Hokage-sama will overlook it. Again.”

“Itachiiiii _please_.”

Withholding an eye roll, Itachi turns to look at his wayward cousin—only to fight a blush as Shisui apparently took his ‘we can talk more about our relationship after you come back from your mission’ and ran with it, because he’s got his cock in hand and is—!!

“ _Shisui_ —we’ve—I’ve—there’s not—” Itachi’s eyes dart towards his bedroom door, still slightly cracked. He quickly turns off the lights, closes his door, slaps an ANBU grade seal on it before shutting his window. All the while Shisui’s moaning and whimpering, sprawling himself further across his bed.

They’ve only shared one kiss—without tongue!

With a deep breath, he finally turns, face bright red, to watch his cousin’s form with crystal clarity in the dark—

His sharingan meet Shisui’s half-lidded ones.

“What are you _doi_ —”

Itachi cuts himself off with an embarrassed noise as Shisui grips his wrist and pulls him down onto the bed.

* * *

“Are you absolutely sure, Shisui?”

Shisui pouts as he clings and attempts to pull Itachi further down onto him. “Fucking fuck me or I’ll go find someone else!”

Itachi huffs. “Brat.”

“Yes, yes, _brat_ and _greedy_ —I’ll literally die if you don’t put your cock in me _right no_ —aaaah!”

Itachi smiles as Shisui throws his head back.

* * *

Shisui left a few details out of his report. But that’s _fine_ , it’s FINE—he leaves details out of his reports all the time. Really, the Hokage doesn’t need to know that he took a pill of questionable origin with questionable effects. After visiting Itachi he felt better, and there were _no lingering side-effects_ so obviously whatever those bandits gave him was a dud. Or something. That’s Shisui’s story and he’s sticking to it.

Questionable pill, questionable side-effects (increased temperature? Yeah, okay, oh nooo so dangerous. He only got horny because he knew Itachi was waiting for him. That has absolutely nothing to do with the pill he took. They shared their first kiss before he left for his mission. Obviously Shisui’s going to be excited to get back to Itachi. Not related.)

And wouldn’t you know it, Itachi _did_ want more with him! Shisui always trusts his gut, and he’s not . . . entirely sure WHY he did what he did, but the sex was good and Itachi enjoyed himself and he enjoyed himself so all in all it’s not worth examining too closely.

Shisui enjoys spending more quality time with Itachi as a result. Clearly a good outcome.

* * *

Shisui doesn’t think anything of the nausea he gets, writing it off as some bad food. When it gets worse, well, he clearly caught a stomach bug! No big deal, it’ll go away soon enough! He’s _always_ had a sensitive nose, so he just needs more training again now that it’s decided to make him gag at every little thing now.

Really, this sickness is only bad right after he wakes up, so it’s not _terrible_ and so long as he gets up early enough, it doesn’t even disturb his normal schedule. Easy.

* * *

Then Itachi poked his stomach, asking if he’s been slacking on his training which— _rude_ —but Shisui had looked down and promptly freaked out because his beautiful abs were softening!

Is this because he’s getting older? Oh _no_.

Shisui redoubles his training regime—three sets of crunches! Minimum!

* * *

“You should see someone about it.”

Shisui pouts at Itachi who’s standing behind him in the mirror. It’s not like he can excuse this weight as a large meal anymore.

“Fine.” Shisui crosses his arms and pointedly does _not_ think about how his growing stomach is getting in the way.

* * *

“I’m what.”

“Listen”—the mednin puts her clipboard down and raised her hands like she thinks Shisui's going to run—"You have options, but getting rid of the baby _now_ will endanger both of you."

_The baby_.

_**Baby**_.

Shisui shunshins right out of there.

* * *

"It'll be alright."

"Well, that's easy for you to say, _you're_ not the one with a parasite in you! How did this even happen?!"

"Like any other baby, I'm sure." Itachi is smug. Way too smug. Shisui doesn't like it.

"Listen, I know you're younger than me and so you might not know this, but it usually takes a man and a _woman_ to make a baby, and I know I may be pretty but I'm most assuredly a MAN."

Itachi's smug look fades to that pursed-lip thinking look that Shisui loves so much. It's just so much fun to kiss that little pout and—no! Focus, Shisui. Baby.

"Is it mine?"

Shisui . . . probably should have expected that question.

"Well, I have no idea, but if this is following ANY kind of logic, then probably?"

"Probably?"

"Well, you're the only person I've slept with recently, so I'm fairly confident."

"This is perfect, then."

Shisui's going to throw something. Probably his chair. Also probably through the window. Or Itachi's face. Maybe he'll punch Itachi in the face instead. With his lips. Mmm.

"We should go to Father so we can get married."

"Wait, WHAT?!"

* * *

The wedding attire, at least, hides his GIANT BELLY but that doesn't stop Itachi from running his hands over it and staring at it. Shisui tries (and fails) not to pout. Itachi's marrying HIM, not this _belly_. Shisui may or may not accidentally on purpose tug Itachi's haori off center every chance he got throughout the ceremony.

Heh.

Oh, whoops, he's been found out. Itachi's giving him the Look.

Shisui responsibly sticks his tongue out at him over the sake cup he's holding.

Itachi does his _I wanna roll my eyes at you but I can't because we're in public and I actually CARE about my public image_ thing at him. Well, Shisui added the second half, but it's still true.

He'd better get used to it, because they're _married_ now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like there's more now ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Does Itachi have a pregnancy kink? hm. probably.

Shisui is happy, he reminds himself as he dodges a few senbon, that he found a babysitter.

Shisui is _happy_ , he reminds himself as the scenery blurs together as he jumps from tree to tree to avoid his attackers.

Shisui is—a kunai comes a bit too close to his forehead and shears off a few curls.

“HEY— _oof_!!”

“GOT HIM!”

* * *

“So . . . glad . . . ”

A hand grips his hair tight and he makes a sound of protest. He’s a married man now, only his _husband_ should grip his hair like that!!

“What you say, boy?”

Cracking his eyes open only to see shitty black cloth covering his eyes in a really terrible blindfold, he can’t help himself. “I _said_ I’m so glad I found a babysitter.”

“What?”

“He musta hit his head when I beaned him out of the tree.”

“Huuuuuh, didn’t know the Uchiha came in a stupid variety.”

“Hey!”

A hand slaps his mouth and Shisui instinctively rears back, gagging on whatever the hell was just _shoved_ into his mouth.

“Plug his nose!”

“Mmnnn!” Shisui struggles against the hands on his face a moment longer before finally deciding _fuck it_.

He swallows whatever the fuck they just gave him and blows a fireball with his next breath.

* * *

“Ow! Itachi save me!”

“If you wouldn’t move so much, Uchiha-san, we would be done here already.”

Itachi stares at his husband and decides that he’s going to tell Father that he’ll protect his shampoo from Shisui if he _keeps Shisui inside the compound_ for the next five years. The Hokage folded too easily once word got back to him that it was Shisui’s ‘accident’ that swapped his ink for the disappearing kind.

“Shisui, let the medic finish healing your face.”

Shisui sighs, overdramatic, but Itachi wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, with the way he’s shifting around, unable to sit still, Itachi will probably have to fuck him into the floor for a solid hour before he’ll even be receptive to Itachi’s scolding.

Because Itachi’s not above ruthlessly ruining Shisui’s post-coital bliss when he’s upset with his husband.

* * *

Shisui pouts, for all the good it doesn’t do him.

His husband is _mean_ sometimes.

Shisui really DID need to get fucked! Shisui was gone from the village for a whole _half day_. The first time in _eighteen months_ , okay? 

He can miss his husband!

Although, he didn’t really _plan_ to burn his face _that_ bad. But it really wasn’t his fault those stupid-heads decided to force something into his _mouth_.

(And truthfully, who puts flammable parts near an Uchiha’s mouth, anyways?)

* * *

Itachi brings their daughter into the bedroom, still mostly sleeping as she drools on his shoulder. Shisui falls in love all over again.

That is, until he’s handed the little spawn (affectionately nicknamed Little Devil) and Itachi tells him to get himself checked out when he goes to the hospital for her check-up.

He’s not _ill_ , really, it’s just that weird stomach bug going around! He’s just sick! It’ll pass.

Shisui would shunshin, but Itachi spent _three weeks_ ruining every. single. post-orgasmic high after he shunshin’d with their daughter.

At least she seemed to enjoy the ride.

* * *

“Good news, Itachi!” Shisui says triumphantly as he plops down with their daughter at the table. “I’m _not_ ill, ha!”

“Oh? So—”

“I’m only pregnant again!”

Itachi stays calm, blinks once, before turning around to actually _look_ at his husband—

With a small gesture, his arms are suddenly filled with Shisui, their daughter squished between them.

“I thought this wouldn’t happen again!” Shisui says, or, well, Itachi translates from the incomprehensible wail from where Shisui’s smooshed into his shoulder.

“There, there.”

“GUHAAA!” 

“Ow!”

“See, even your daughter doesn’t want you to be sad about it.”

“Why is she only _my_ daughter when she hits someone?”

“The same reason she’s _my_ daughter when she stacks the blocks up correctly.”

Shisui opens his mouth—

Then closes it with a pout.

Itachi gives them both a kiss.

And mentally promises to show his FULL appreciation for the fact that Shisui seems to, yet again, be carrying his child in him later.

* * *

Shisui seems to enjoy his appreciation that night. 

Itachi is glad that he put extra sound-seals up.

* * *

Growing fat isn’t something Shisui thought would ever happen to him.

Growing fat _again_ , though. Well, Shisui thought it impossible.

Now, however, he milks the attention for all it’s worth from Itachi.

Which is _considerable_.

Itachi doesn’t even complain, which makes Shisui feel bad the first four times he asks for a foot massage, but then Shisui remembers that _he’s carrying a baby_ and all bad feelings go away.

And Shisui doesn’t even need to ask for stomach rubs! Itachi is MUCH MORE handsy there than before his belly exploded out with a second child. Which is just fine and good, since this second child seems to be doing stupid somersaults inside him all the time!

Much more kicky, too. 

Which is bad news for his poor bladder.

Ugh.

* * *

Shisui sighs as Itachi finally lays next to him. “I don’t even understand WHY, though.”

“Mm.” Itachi carefully doesn’t mention he’s been looking into what caused this, best not stress Shisui out too much right now.

“We had sex, like, a million times after the first birth and _literally nothing_.”

Itachi kisses Shisui’s neck as he runs his hands over the large belly where his—their—second child is growing.

“That was—mmm—part of the reason why—ah, Itachi—”

“Yes?”

Shisui huffs and turns his head for a kiss that Itachi enthusiastically gives him.

Their conversation winds up put on hold.

* * *

“Blood tests? It was hard enough getting him to sit still for us to _heal his face_ , Uchiha-san.”

“I see.” Itachi _does_ understand. Shisui tends to get a bit overzealous at the worst of times. At least he realized that, when he came back from his mission this time, that Itachi would’ve marched him straight to the hospital anyways. 

And the mission Shisui came back from before they got married he didn’t even get a check-up after. 

Curious.


End file.
